Gracefully Scared

I was first diagnosed with breast cancer in 2005. I underwent a lumpectomy, chemotherapy and radiation. Bald and sick, I was overwhelmed by the goodness that was manifested by people I knew, and people I didn't know. It was life changing for me. If I had to do it all over again, I would in a heartbeat. I would often hear people comment on how gracefully I was handling my illness, when in reality I was drawing my strength from their outpouring of love. Deep down I was scared. F*Cancer

In 2008 my life changed again, when my first grandchild was born. It brought out feelings of sadness in the beginning. Would I live to see him grow up, start school, get married? Or would I be the grandmother that was just a vague memory in a little boy's mind? Even though I felt I had beaten cancer, the fear still lingered deep inside. F*Cancer

When my grandson was 5 months old, he came into our care permanently. I was 50 years old and faced with motherhood. But now the fear was even greater. This little boy had been abandoned by his birth mother. Was it fair to him to have me fill that void, and then lose me? F*Cancer

In January 2010, I was one month shy of being cancer-free for 5 years, a milestone for breast cancer survivors. But the back pain I had been experiencing since December become unbearable. The cancer had recurred and was attacking my spine. F*Cancer

I will not lose this battle. I will fight it with every ounce of my being. I want to live and I will. I love you Dominic. F*Cancer

Thank you Susan, and thank you for the beautiful design that says what we all feel. I will be ordering a bracelet and wearing it proudly as a reminder every day that I am stronger than the cancer.