Living with Cancer and Moving Forward No Matter What

This is my first time writing about living with my cancer, and after reading so many others, I'd like to put down on paper what it's like and what I've been thru, living with cancer!
BTW..I decided to choose a picture with the wig I had to wear after losing all my long hair after radiation instead of a current one where my hair has grown back and is now to the actual bottom of my back! My friends and family are amazed at how much it has grown!
I go back now 4 years ago being diagnosed with pharangeal cancer, basically cancer of the throat and voice box). My first treatment was 9 weeks of radiation, with chemotherapy the first day only, and the last day only. I was lucky to be able to go 2 years before it grew back and grew back fast! My 2nd surgery took my voice box, my thyroid, and glands so I was now not able to talk.
Funny, but thru all these three years I was never scared! Funny, everyone thought I would be, but I learned quickly that being a strong independent lady doesn't help in matters like this...You need your family and friend and you need to be able to lean on them. Once I got used to the idea, it was much easier to do! And I thank God for them every day. My two wonderful sons, Chris and Jason, my three sisters, Judy, Donna, and Karen, my sister-in-law, and my daughter-in-laws!!!! Also including my brothers and brother-in-law, and all of my nieces and nephews! My closest friends, there was nothing I couldn't talk to them about. I was amazed every day and sometimes took my breath away at how much they wanted and were there for me...nothing was too big or small to ask of them, they were there to do it and this is when I learned what unconditional love is.
So when asked if I was scared the past 3 years? The answer is no...not when I was surrounded by so much love. I don't live my life getting up every day thinking about cancer, it's in the back of my mind, but never a full mind searing thought that would scare me so much as to bring me to my knees, NEVER!!!
My 3rd surgery, was the closest I came to passing...when I blew my left carotid artery, and lost all my blood..they worked on me all night, then had to fly me by jet to another city hospital of operate to see if they could fix it...and warned my family it was very unlikely I would make it this time. Only 2to 3% make it out of this, Of course, my son stood up and said, ok, ok, just tell us what's next, the Dr.said you don't understand I'm trying to prepare you for her probably not making it this time...and once again, lol...my son said, yes, yes,,,but what's next.
What he told me later was they didn't know their mother...I was too tough to let go yet. It wasn't my time! And...he was right!!! 2 weeks later they drove me back to my home hospital and the emergency Dr. who treated me was there and was absolutely amazed to see me there alive!!! He said everyone had talked about my story, and they were going to be further amazed to see I was still alive!!
My family watched me go thru all this...plus they had to put a stoma in so I could breathe and thought, how can she go thru all that and still be here?
It was because of them. With that kind of love...it was easy...I live my life one day at a time and that makes it very easy. I do take it easy..but the one thing I've changed is I hug everyone coming into my home and when they're leaving. I tell them I love them every time I talk to them..and it's now spread...they do it with their children and outer family members!!!!
So next week I go for an MRI, to see if everything is ok in my brain, and if it is...I have a feeling it'll be a long time before they'll have to see me again!!1
Funny, but having cancer doesn't scare me...it has brought me more positives than negatives into my life. And my family & friends show me their love much more and appreciate spending time together much more! How can you beat that!!!
So, as my oldest son always says...Fuck Cancer...it doesn't control my life....I say...I have cancer, or I've had cancer, but I control my life!!!!